Friends and family

I have been through a whole lot last year. 2006 is officially the most miserable year of my life. If we can chart our life in a Cartesian graph, with x = time and y = (-1, 1) to signify absolute negative to absolute positive, I hope that last year remains to be my life's absolute minimum.

While I enjoy the happy times (>0), I do think that it is important to have frustrating times (<0). Without the down points, one could not possibly appreciate the many wonderful things in life that we take for granted.

If I draw another graph, with x = the y-axis of my Life graph, y = number of friends, the resulting graph looks like a Bell curve. When I am at my lowest point, most people drift away, until finally there remains only my family and one handful of folks who are my friends. Similarly, one gains many friends as life become positive, but as one drifts towards fantastically happy times, one also gains many enemies, and as such y would also tends towards 0.

If we consider the ratio of number of friends / time, we have the rate of friend acquaitance, and at least for myself, that's the happiest of all times. Mapping this, it appears that the sweet spot would be around -0.3.

Nerd point aside, we find something equally interesting. To find one's closest friend, either fuck up your life, or become extremely successful. You can immediately identify who's friend and who's foe. Obviously, you cannot control your life (as you are not a controlled subject). However, examining one's history, on the other hand, will allow you to discover.

While I have been in very desperate moments, I am grateful that I have identified my friends. They have been there to support me in every way possible. I am also deeply grateful to those who have the patience to work with me. I don't know how I could have gone through all these without them.

Coming Out

About sixteen to seventeen years ago, when I was fourteen, I came out to my parents that I am gay. About six to seven years ago, during the years of my early adulthood, I came out to my co-workers that I am a designer who uses a PC. Until this day, I do not have the nerve to tell a single person at an AIGA event that I have never bought a Mac in my life.

Point.

Went nuts

Logic system went nuts on monday.

At least, normal logic system went nuts on monday.

I think that I got back to normal right now. At least, I have invited an ex-lover of mine to step back into my life to verify that I was nuts on Monday. I called my ex-lover today to negate a theory I had on Monday. The test goes like this: if he agrees with my sister, which negates my theory, and that based on evidence that supports my believes on Monday, he should not negate my theory, then it implies that since he and my sister both negate my theory, my theory must not be true. Hence, I must be crazy to think that my theory holds. Thus, my theory does not hold.

For now, only my ex-lover knows 10% of what my theory is about. But since everyone I know who has encountered my theory thought that I went nuts, I am so far certain that I must be nuts. As such, I guess, I am dissing my theory for now.

I would like to thank Derek for this. He is nut enough to come over and help me with this. I need to remind myself to write a song called "Perfect" for him. To be clear here, it's the word that he would never use. He taught me about the idea of being non-absolute. Perhaps, the song ought to be called "absolute," but that sounds like some kind of vodka campaign, and i know that he'd prefer Stolichnaya.

Sampling

To be certain that I am not crazy and imagining things, I started sampling myself two weeks ago. I bought a Sony MZ-M200 MiniDisc player and press Record when I start my day of work. I am very glad to know that I am not crazy, and most definitely am not paranoid. WIHWWIH (What I heard was what I heard). Best-spent 350.00 this year.

Interestingly, this MiniDisc player also helped me with one aspect that I didn't realize before. It sounds like (pun intended) that when people don't understand what I am talking about, they have absolute right to not understand. Because I don't know WTF I was talking about either.

It appears that although I can organize (and thus edit) my paragraphs, the '(pause) I have seven points to make. One, ...' gene from my Dad has not been transferred. If the idea that the better gene will always win out, then this suggests two things: 1. This theory is wrong; or 2. This skill is not necessarily a good skill. This is interesting. Both ought to be explored.

It appears that I have side-tracked.

Back to sampling. Sampling is great. It allows you to record a ton of amazing materials. Things that just went by. Things that you so wish you could have a record of--for example, that horse-like laughter--but never had the opportunity to got recorded in this case. Going through a day of materials seem like a lot at first, but visually looking for peaks in Sony Sound Forge is so easy. The fact that verison 8 now allows for scripting made this even easier.

I also couldn't help but notice just how noisy the a/c is in the office. Setting the noise gate at -18db still doesn't get rid of the hum. But perhaps that has to do with M-200's auto leveling. Perhaps I should bring my sound meter to work to verify instead.

I suddenly understand why people subject themselves to be videotaped on the Web. While I'm not gutsy like they are, I am certainly considering videotaping myself. Anyhow, the point is, sampling is good. Good for personal improvement, good for fueling audio production, good for sanity check. Good for life.

Manhattan Bridge HDR

Ah, but Google, you are so kind.

Searching on Manhattan Bridge HDR on Google today puts my Flickr photo on the first result. No wonder this photo is getting a huge bump on the number of views recently.

Suicide

Three weeks ago, I committed suicide. OK, that's not exactly true. I seriously considered suicide. No, that's not exactly true either. I seriously looked at different methodologies to make a suicide attempt painless with guaranteed success.

I have considered options before, but I never researched and Googled possible avenues. I didn't do it for two reasons. One, I still haven't manage a perfect way to die that is painless and with higher than 99% of success rate. But to get out of research mode, was because at the time I was working on my Bloomingdales project and I don't want to be known at my funeral as the person who did not finish my project. Or worse, that no one attended my funeral because I didn't finish that project. That'd be bad.

So it looks like that I have just found a way to avoid committing suicide. As long as I stay busy with work, I won't do it. Ah, but I only work on projects that's award worthy. Well, if not award worthy, at least press worthy. Projects like the Bloomingdales installation does not get awards. Innovation is about setting categories that won't reside in award categories, right? This reminds me that there were so many times that when the award submission time comes, I cannot find a suitable category for my projects. Maybe that's a good sign.

Just remembered, Bloomies project also got a mention on a Red Herring article today. That's awesome. Please keep on feeding my mental happiness. I'll need it.

I beat last year

Ah, it looks like that I beat last year. I wrote a new entry within less than a year. ten months this time. that's good.